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IT’S TIME AGAIN TO LOOK AT THE WINE CATALOGS!

            My New Year’s resolution this year was to drink at least a glass of red wine a day.  So far, I’ve held to that and my wife is chipping in too!  Where it gets a little dicey is in the measurement of the glass.  With a goal of finding the ultimate glass for keeping my wine drinking resolution, I grabbed a few of the latest wine merchant catalogs lingering in my reading basket.

Viola!  On the pages of IWA’s Early Spring 2003 catalog (www.iwawine.com), I found the perfect wine glass.  Made of 24% lead crystal, you can take your pick of a 24” tall Bordeaux glass, a 24” tall Burgundy glass, or a 26” tall Champagne glass; either for the modest sum of $95 each or $249 for the set of three.  The Bordeaux glass will hold three 750ml bottles and the ice to chill them.  Wino Bob, take heart, you can drink to your heart’s content and tell your doc that you NEVER have more than a glass a day.  This could be the perfect glass to take to Bacchus’ two glasses for the price of one night.

The next item that I saw was one called “The Wax Whacker” (product #CS05-101, $7.95).  This item is an exclusive at IWA, but I bet Winos John and Bob, calling on their engineer geek friends could make and sell one for less money. The Wax Whacker is a tool that scoops the wax out of the top of the bottle so that you can keep your corkscrew clean (you know, I could stretch that description into something else, but am opting not to at this point).  A picture of this baby is displayed with the description, “Increase the Life of Your Rabbit!”  Go for it!

I was a little skeptical of the item I saw next.  A set of 50 bottle labels, customized to read, From the Cellar of Wino Wally (or your name), is available for $19.95.  At first I thought, who the hell would order these?  If I’m having guests over, they know that I’m bringing the bottles up from my cellar.  Then it hit me.  I’ll order a set of these for Perfect Pete, that brown-noser who’s always looking for the next favor with the boss.  However, Pete won’t know that I’ve ordered them.  Instead, I’ll buy a case of Ripple, put a label on each bottle, and leave the case gift-wrapped, in our boss’ office.  Courtesy of Pete.  The boss will love it!  (and so will the rest of us!).  Great idea; it was just marketed wrong until I checked it out.

Le Nez Du Vin is portrayed as “the world’s ultimate wine education kit!”  This kit has 54 glass vials containing the essential wine scents, their cards, and an instruction booklet.  For $449.95 you can be an expert!  What a crock of hooey!  Go back in our archives and print out the Wino Bob tasting wheel for free.  The tasting wheel is available in any number of publications.  Once you understand the relationships between the base elements of bouquet and taste ranging from Fruity and Nutty to Chemical and Pungent, you’ll understand the deeper tastes and you won’t have to spend $449.95.  Heck, that’s 50 bottles of Wino Mike’s Thanksgiving best!

The last item in today’s review, the Electronic Wine Chiller and Warmer, is an item that Sometimes-A-Wino Sharon bought for me after I bought one for Wino Mike and his Wino Wife.  Featured at Brookstone (just the place to go for any gadget, much less a wine gadget or two), this chiller has its own thermostat to accurately control and maintain the wine’s temperature.  Just plug it in, select one of ten preset temperatures and VIOLA (new style guide usage word recently prescribed by Bob and John), your wine is chilled or warmed and will stay at exactly that temperature.  I’ve tried this and so far it works.  I think the big challenge will be outside on the porch this summer as I try to keep my perfect Chardonnays chilled at that refreshing temperature of 42 degrees.  I have tried the heater function once when a bottle of Merlot that I bought and left in my car needed some heating to bring it to a drinkable temperature of 54 degrees.  This baby can be yours for $79.95.

Wino Wally
Baltimore, MD
February 2, 2003 (aka Groundhog’s Day, big time shadow day today)

   

  Bonus!!!  Breaking News - Golf Edition!

Wino Wally has reviewed the latest gadget for all geeks who play golf.  The Suunto G9 is a watch that has a global positioning system built into it.  Additionally, the watch has a golf course analysis program which allows the user to program key positions on up to four golf courses at a time.  Once a course is loaded into the watch, the watch can be hooked up after the round to chart all shots, analyze the results as compared to previous rounds, and work on which clubs or shots need the most improvement.  The watch is $725 and is available at www.suuntowatches.com.  Wino Wally believes that it will be a while before a substantial number of US courses are available to be downloaded from Suunto.  However, as that occurs, the cost of this technology will probably go down and the cost of the watch will decrease as well.  Be the first at your club to sport one of these gems.


 

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